Attentive relations

He has a sense of humour. He is kind and soft. He is reliable and worthy trust. With him it is good. She - very sensitive. She - the strong and unusual person. She gentle and understanding. These sets of personal qualities, besides external appeal and security, name men and women, describing the partners (partners) or explaining the choice of the elect (darling) more often. In the people about such steams often speak: "They are created for each other". And still the basic precondition to remarkable relations is balance of feelings and reason. Before to grow fond of another, it is very important to learn to love, to trust in itself, to be happy with itself. Love - not a box of chocolates.

Between extreme to displays of feelings, such as laughter and tears, the person distinguishes thousand intermediate emotional conditions. Energy flows in the world of thoughts and emotions in the same way, as in the physical world. The question only in how to operate this stream of energy in itself. Feelings concern fundamental psychological processes; they arise at various levels and in different scales. Some feelings, such, as hope, satisfaction, pleasure, etc., allow energy to proceed free. Wines, affliction, a rage on the contrary, block an energy current, and sometimes even exhaust it, weakening the person. Such unbalanced kinds of energy play the big role in complication, infringement and even destruction of relations. Some of negative emotions are simple, other more difficult.

To the basic (elementary) negative emotions traditionally carry a rage, euphoria, experience, affliction and fear. In a combination to attachment, misunderstanding and erroneous perception they can turn to such more difficult emotional forms, as envy, roughness, jealousy, contempt, evil intention, etc. Similar emotions dry up an energy stream, block it, and it affects both on health, and relations. To resist to negative emotions, it is necessary to agree in the beginning that is the phenomena with which it is necessary for us to learn to struggle, and then to release, forget them.

The first, that it is necessary to make, is to realise their existence; then it is necessary to accept negative emotions, to recognise their existence; the third step - to pay to them attention, to observe of them, to analyze, trying to understand their nature. Probably, to speak about it is easier, than to make; but if you begin with the first step, regularly moving ahead to the following, will find out what to learn it absolutely simply.

Soon you are personally convinced that these emotions - only the illusions which do not have under self any real bases, is simple conglomerates of reactions. All more clearly distinguishing a ball of feelings disappearing under these emotions, you will simultaneously untangle it, and finally it will disappear, as if a fog in the solar morning. Any strong and good relations begin with each of partners. Only internally counterbalanced person is capable to establish good relations with others. Before to achieve external balance an In and a Jan everyone of us should provide in the beginning internal balance an In and a Jan.

Only having learnt to love, we can grow fond of the partner or other person. Hence, it is the extremely important, that all of us could open balance and happiness first of all in themselves. However, as they say in the Bible, all of us we come to this world in a sin (or, according to Buddhists, we come to expiate the charma). The debalance arises already from the moment of our birth as the counterbalanced reason does not arise from anything, he is created by internal work.

We should overcome difficulties, to study to distinguish them and more effectively to struggle with them. It is quite often possible to hear, how quarrelling reproach each other: "That you are angry?" And in the answer, it is angry: "It I am angry?!" Here to you an example of, how people sometimes at all do not realise the emotional condition and even if to specify to them in it, it will be hard to them to recognise it.

Only having realised the emotional condition, recognising it, the person can pay attention to process of thinking. However already one it it appears enough gradually to come to understanding of that similar emotional conditions are deprived any positive sides, but promise many troubles. And already at this stage of comprehension the person appears is ready to refuse revolting emotional conditions gradually. Principal views of emotional reactions arise as reaction of our six sense organs to the information arriving from the outside.

The information arrives inside; emotions leave outside. Emotions cannot be hidden, and nobody will manage to pretend, as if it is absolutely deprived emotions. Many people fall ill only because, perceiving negative energy, try to constrain inside the reaction to it. It can lead to a cancer or other diseases. It is necessary to allow for emotions to leave freely outside, but one it insufficiently - the attention and comprehension is necessary still. Without attention and comprehension you will be doomed to constant repetition or restraint of emotions, or their liberation. But after all emotions like a rage or fear arise not without the reason and consequently thanks to comprehension we can see these reasons and try to change our relation to them.

From the Buddhism point of view any sufferings arise from attachment, and attachment is formed of the ignorance which are not allowing the person to see the real nature of things. Is better to be able to see through an ignorance and attachment interlacing and consequently, to manage to untie this Gordian knot. Being able to distinguish a debalance as that, we, being able not define a situation at all, led to loss of emotional balance, nevertheless are capable to change them. For this purpose there are the special methods which are not demanding for the full decision a problem of any supernatural insight.

Emotions - not only psychology

Between a body and reason there is a close interrelation. Intellectual processes consume energy and consequently can quite affect on health. Mentions of reason influence on a body meet already in the Old-Chinese classical medical treatise under the name "the Classical treatise on internal medicine of the Yellow Emperor", written two thousand years ago. Emotional problems - not simply psychological; they originate both in psychology, and in physiology. In other words, they do not arise "from a head", but are formed by all body. Weekly visit to the psychotherapist is only one of ways of the decision of emotional problems, and not always to the best as the psychotherapist can quite not find a problem root if it has arisen on physiological soil.


For example, if the person is easily irritated, the reason of it can be covered in weakness which the Chinese medicine names weakness of system of a liver. That is why attentive and the careful altitude to liver system is capable to facilitate the given problem. In the same way the excessive anxiety can be caused in some people frustration of system of digestion so to treat it will be necessary it, instead of uneasy conditions. The western medicine though has come to deeper comprehension of interrelation between emotions and health, nevertheless is substantially concentrated to the general intellectual and emotional conditions, not paying sufficient attention to steady features of mutual relations between concrete corporal functions and certain emotional displays. The Chinese medicine, on the contrary, realises already many millenia link between emotions and health and co-ordinates certain emotional conditions to infringements of some physiological processes.

Between five basic negative emotions (rather interesting interrelation which is illustrated well by the theory of Five Elements exists a rage, euphoria, anxiety, grief and fear). As these emotions are connected with certain elements, they can be operated the same as also other elements concerning corresponding elements.

To each of elements there corresponds certain emotion, internal body and a sound.

If to consider ways of interconversion of emotions it will appear, that a rage euphoria - to anxiety conducts to euphoria, anxiety - to grief, grief - to fear which, in turn, leads again to a rage.

In and Jan dialogue

Dialogue includes transfer and reception of the information which we can name, accordingly, Jan and In aspects. If the information receiver works incorrectly whatever powerful was the transmitter, the message will not reach the addressee. In the same way, if the transmitter does not work, no most sensitive receiver can to catch this message. Often we think, that our interlocutor will understand sense of our message as soon as we will start to speak. From here and phrases like "How many time to me to speak to you about...!" Or "I already hundred times said to you, that...".

The man and the woman are an embodiment of a Jan and In, and consequently they possess various characteristic types of energy; hence, their ways of transfer and information reception differ also. Women can be not so frank in expression of the thoughts, as men; men not always good listeners and to it infrequently it is possible to simulate a role of the attentive receiver of the information.

It is very important to realise always the internal nature of these Jan and In distinctions in dialogue questions. It concerns both messages, and to participants of dialogue.